The End

Everything I have in my head...it begins to fade away. I search for it, I long for it, now I know it's gone. Everything has slipped away. And I'm so overwhelmed. Everything that rests upon my shoulders fell. I would like to tell anyone who has depended on me for themselves; "I'm sorry." And everyone I've held in my arms...I believe I pushed away. I would be there if I could be there, but as it stands, I'm gone. Everyone has slipped away. And don't be overwhelmed. Everyone that loved me more than I could tell; I'm sorry. There's a private hell for anyone who lives to only love themselves. Everyone has slipped away. Everyone has slipped away. Everyone has slipped away. Everything has slipped away.

---Juliana Theory, "As It Stands"


<td>Timothy Moffett</td>

The End is near

Well, here we are. I remember saying a while back, either last summer or the beginning of this year that this journal was nearing its expiration date. I might have even said that it would last until the end of this academic year. But I thought, hey, why not wrap up 2005 in the most appropriate manner by ending this thing? I think so.

To all of those who have had problems with me, had problems with this journal, problems with what I have said, I guess you can rejoice and feel victorious, but this really isn't about you. I mean sure, it plays into my mind the hassle this journal has caused. It seems every time I was unabashedly myself and didn't care for what I wrote, those were the times that somebody would get offended. I think I treaded a fine line between keeping it censored in that regard and in being quite honest. Oh well.

I'd like to think I started keeping a journal before anyone who is reading this did, and I'm sure that is true. I remember I started out at a website called "Bizland" first writing my life's story in journal format back in 1998 before anybody was on LiveJournal. But that's cool, this isn't about me anymore, this isn't about ego.

However, this journal was about me. Oddly enough, that may be why it was perceived as: selfish, bigoted, stupid, pointless, egotistical, rude, snobbish, boring, etc.

Sadly, this journal may have mentioned you from time to time, but it was not about you. Although I tried to make it be that way sometimes. There were times when I started writing not for myself, and it would seem that I would get in trouble just about every time I did. So I wrote a journal for myself, but made it public to anyone who wanted to see what was going on. And I have felt appreciated at times, I have gotten very nice comments and people asking about it and that is fun, but ultimately it needs to end. If I am writing a journal, then I need to write it for myself and I may do just that but I have no idea if that's going to happen.

So, it's an end of an era. Even if you couldn't care less, it's still the end of an era. And I also take responsibility for some things said, I apologize to people who have been offended and for things being taken the wrong way and also for things being taken the right way. But I don't want to hold back, and I felt I did that too many times, and when I didn't...whoops. I don't mind though, that's part of the game.

What I need to do is be less selfish and less, oh what's the word.............judgmental, I believe. I think an end of a journal will help do that. Because seriously, what's the point? I am the only person that I am always around, so keeping a journal about my life makes me think I am so much better than everyone else and it's hard to be humble like that. I do so many things wrong, but it's time to do something right.

Take care of yourself.

The Machinist

First movie of 2006 and it was alright. It was another "Fight Club" rip-off, as well as an "Insomnia" rip-off, but it's one of the better spin-offs that I've seen. Worth checking out on a slow Sunday afternoon if you're interested. Plus, Christian Bale is pretty sweet and may be one of my favorite actors if he keeps this stuff up.

Raiders

Trade Brett Favre to the Raiders?

How about.......no.

What the Raiders need is to get Kurt Warner or Daunte Culpepper and throw bombs to Moss all day and trade Jerry Porter to the 49ers to get MY BOY Rashuan Woods to throw some high slants his way and get some draft picks in the deal and stock up on an offensive line in the draft and maybe get another linebacker and we are set.

X-Mas 05

We had our party last night. I got Dad a DVD that is called "Tommy Boy." You may have heard of it. I thought it would make for a good add to a collection that is in need of a movie like that, just to have fun with. I got Amanda a basket with a snowflake lining in it, I thought it looked pretty nice. She might use it, who knows? I got Ma the CD that I made of the Fall Concert, so that was cool.

I got a ton of stuff, starting with a box full of old shirts from my aunt Mary Jane. Some of them are just great and certainly wearable. From my sister I got a Napoleon Dynamite notebook and I got a CD wallet that holds 208 CD's, so that is awesome!!! From the parents, I got a Raiders watch and I got a gift certificate to pump my wardrobe up with some Republican propoganda. I also got two calendars, one is a one-a-day of Jeopardy! and the other is a monthly standard one of scenes from Scotland which looks really cool. I got two books, the latest from Dean Koontz and the latest from John Grisham and they just happen to be my two favorite authors, so look at that! I believe I finished it all off with some sort of check from the other grandparents side and that makes up for all the stuff that I bought yesterday!!!
  • Current Music
    EDL - Jetstream (Cleft in the Rock Radio - 24/7 Christian Rock)

Basketball

Woke up, dressed, and Double A picked me up to go balling at the Whitney Center. We were there for about three hours. It was pretty insane. I wore Dad's Eureka shorts and I wore a headband as well as a wristband. I was in the moment. And what ended up happening was that I played the best basketball of my life.

At least with those guys, which is who I used to play basketball with all the time. I was actually doing more than standing at the 3-point line launching bombs and half-heartedly playing defense. I was actively defending, rebounding, and I scored quite a few 2-pointers. However, the specialty was still 3's and I was draining those the first few games. We played with the core group of myself, Double A, Kripp, Nick, and J-Hoff. And then we played with other kids around. We played five games in all. Two games with the original crew and some guy we found. Then we played another with just us and then another kid came instead and we played a couple with him. Then we played a final one that was full-court with legit high school players and that was tough. I am so sore right now, but it was good. I held my own and rightfully so.
  • Current Music
    Groove Coverage - On The Radio (Radioseven - www.radioseven.se )

Shopping

I got some good monetary papers the other day, so I put them to good use today. I bought a stack of 30 blank CD's, a CD for my girlfriend, and two computer games for really cheap and they are "NHL 2004" and "Silent Hill 4: The Room."
  • Current Music
    Upper Class Trash - What's to Stand For